I regret having spurned all the people I did during my lifetime. I'm not talking about kori--our breakup was mutual.
I mean my friends I've had since elementary school...the few sort-of friends I'm made in the Bay Area...pretty much all of my friends and internet buddies from sas. I don't know if I'm truly sorry...I don't have the guts to try to fix my messes. I'm just sorry in the sense that I'm desperately lonely and now I have nobody to see and few i can chat with online. I'll just say this--I'm having a hard time and I know i can't hide it forever.
So, I'm considering visiting my bro in San Diego in about a week or so. I'm just afraid of being all mopey...I've got a long few weeks before the next semester starts...then things might get a little better. Part of me wants to run back to my therapist....or even my mommy. I can't believe I'm even considering coming out to my mom at this point in my life but I am.
Sometimes I think the ticket is doing something to make me proud of me, for example, working on the old SA. I am hesitant about spilling my guts to my mom and my brother. Well, I guess the main issue is my mom and telling her about my sexuality, and how bad my SA is. On one hand, she's someone I can trust. On the other hand, I may not be ready for it, and it might not be the best time...wait til my emotions settle down a bit. I need to be sure I'm not gonna clam up right afterwards and go back to ignoring things and not talking to my mom. I'm sick of making half efforts only to let things get weird again.
