computer,friends,family,cooking,reading,and lots more!


11 Layers of Me

Layer One: On the Outside
Name: : Melissa
Birthday: : November 27th, 1990
Current Location: : Nova Scotia, Canada
Eye Color: : Baby blue
Hair Color: : Dark Blonde with a little redish/brownish
Righty or Lefty: : righty
Zodiac Sign: : Sagitarious

Layer Two: On the Outside
Your Heritage: : Scottish/irish/french
Your Fears: : Rollar coasters!
Your Weakness: : my anixety
Goal: : To rid myself of this and to help other people living with anixety.

Layer Three: Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow
Your thoughts first waking up: : ugh!
Your bedtime: : Between (12pm-2:00 am)
Your most missed memory: : going for drives with my parents.

Layer Four: Your Pick
Pepsi or Coke: : Coke
McDonald : MacDonald's
Single or Group dates: : Single
Adidas or Nike: : Nike
Lipton Tea or Nestea: : Don't drink either?
Chocolate or Vanilla: : Chocolate
Cappuccino or Coffee: : Cappuccino

Layer Five: Do You?
Smoke: : used too.
Have a crush: : Yes
Think you : ??
Want to get married: : Some day
Believe in yourself: : Yes
Think you : ??

Layer Six: In the Past Month
Drank alcohol: : Yeah once
Gone to the mall: : Nope
Eaten Sushi: : No
Gone skating: : Nope
Dyed your hair: : Nope

Layer Seven: Have Your Ever?
Played a stripping game: : No
Gotten beaten up: : i'v gotten into fights
Changed who you were to fit in: : No

Layer Eight: Getting Old
Age your hoping to be married: : 30

Layer Nine: Perfect Mate
Best Eye Color: : doesn't matter
Best Hair Color: : doesn't matter
Short or Long Hair: : short

Layer Ten: What were you doing...
1 MINUTE AGO: : commenting
1 HOUR AGO: : sleeping
1 DAY AGO: : eating
1 YEAR AGO: : drinking

Layer Eleven: Finish the Sentence
I LOVE: : my dog,family, and friends
I FEEL: : happy
I HATE: : Working hard
I HIDE: : Alot
I MISS: : Happy Memories
I NEED: : my family and friends

I am reading constantly!

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Hey guys my name is Melissa and i've signed up for this site because i have no one else to talk to about my feelings about my anixety disorders and such. Well i'll start off by telling a little about my life with anixety. Well it started when i was younger about 8 or 9 i'd say when my dad lost his job and my grandmother passed away i was always hearing my parents talk about trying to make ends meet and everything so eventually i stopped eating because i was scared of choking but i was so young i didn't know how to tell anyone this like put it in words and if i did tell someone then they didn't believe me. I saw doctors and counslers and everything imaginable they couldn't figure out why i wasn't eating and they ruled out eating disorder. I didn't know i was sopposed to tell them what was wrong with me and why i wasn't eating and i almost died then one day slowly by slowly i started to force myself to eat again it was very very hard. From then on i was always a good kid but a very difficult one. I would always through fits because i felt like everyone was against me and my parents didn't love me. My whole younger childhood resulted in fights and screaming matches and arguing. My parents just didn't understand they've never understood what was wrong with me. They thought i was just a brat. The years went by and i kept getting worse and worse soon i couldn't go in the store by myself or anywhere's without my mom. My dad and i got farther and farther apart till we barely spoke two words to each other in a day. My parents were always stressed out over money. My days were screaming matched with my parents trying to get them to understand what i was feeling. I was very furstrated. But i focused all my energy into skating but i always felt not good enough and a bad skater so i eventually lost my intrest in it. Scared to tell my parents how i felt about it i kept skating. When i was about 13 or 14 i was put into a class where i was bullied everyday constantly cricsised always. What i was wearing,what i said, what i did. I couldn't move without someone saying something to me. I had no friends besides the ones i saw in skating. I didn't go anywhere's i stayed home every night, feelng safe there. I eventully survived grade 8 and moved on to grade 9. When my uncle died. Which was heartbreaking. I watched my uncle die and it still hurts today. It wasn't much better but it was better. I was left with no confidence and was severly tramatized. I eventually quite skating and became more and more anger with life with everyone because they didn't know what i was going through constant thoughts ran through ym mind everyday and it made me tired and weak. I had gotten so angery that i would hurt everything and anyone in my path. I lost my faith in god and everything else. I wanted to die. Until my mom convinced me to get help i started seeing a counsler and after self injurying myself and trying to kill myself was put on medication. Its been ups and downs. Mostly down times but i'm getting there. I recently broke up with my first love and am currently trying to get over that. I've gained weight as my family i always telling me so i'm trying to lose weight, get better and get back to school. I dropped out of school last semstter when i could no longer go. School is a very scary place for me and its hard for me to go. I"m being homeschool and am under alot of pressure to pass the year but i have faith in myself that i will be able to graduate with my friends. I did have a job but i had to quite after only 3 days but am looking again. I'm getting there there have been many bumps but if i just push a little farther i know i can do it. Today i have a family who loves me, i'm working on passing the year, i have bestfrieds who love me, i have my faith and that's all i need. I just get a little fursrtaed sometimes because my sister and her family like to put me down sometimes for alot of things but you know what that just makes me want to work harder. I"m hear to find people who are just like me and have grown stronger from there difficulity's