Drawing,
painting,
playing guitar and synth,
music composition,
creating new art forms,
reading,
going for walks in the woods,
texting with my niece, Raven,
learning through various forms ie.
observing and experiencing nature,
surfing the internet,
people watching,
certain television programs,
a small handful of movies..

Spider,
The Jacket,
Taxi Driver,
A Beautiful Mind,
Requiem For A Dream,
A Clockwork Orange,
The Wall,
Apocalypse Now..
the list goes on...

Tom Waits,
Frank Zappa,
Captain Beefheart,
Midnight Syndicate,
Dead Can Dance,
The Cure,
David Bowie,
ATTRITION,
Leonard Cohen,
Steve Vai,
fornever,
Marilyn Manson,
Nine Inch Nails,
Julee Cruise,
Placebo,
Allan Holdsworth,
Adrian Belew,
Pagannini,
Beethoven,
Bauhaus,
Brian Eno,
Death in June,
Diamanda Galas,
Evanescence,
A Perfect Circle,
Skinny Puppy,
Siouxsie and the Banshees,
Yngwie Malmsteen,
Sisters of Mercy,
Iggy Pop,
Kate Bush,
Peter Gabriel,
King Crimson,
Jack Off Jill,
Ultravox,
Widdershin,
Lou Reed,






etc.

Beyond Good and Evil,
Crime and Punishment,
Notes From the Underground,
Steppenwolf,
Magister Ludi,
The Carlos Castaneda series,
Thus Spake Zarathustra,
Fountainhead,
The Catcher in the Rye,
Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee,
Siddhartha,
and on...

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Open minds,
the ability to think outside the box,
helping others with no expectation of repayment,

gentle nature,
compassionate,
empathetic,
acknowledging and speaking the truth,
knowing onesself (self-awareness)...

Thunderstorms,
the smell outdoors after a long rain,
Mother earth,
animals

Deciet and lies,
cold sarcasm,
the belief that one is better than others,
mind games,
power hungry individuals who step on anyone in their way,
sexual "conquests",
greed,
materialism...

An agoraphobic, socially dysfuncional, bipolar, multi-faceted artist with a fear of success..

Half Native American and half German & Irish..

In University I managed to just barely complete 2 years, majoring in Psychology with a minor in Philosophy..A couple of months before completion, my S.A. overcame my inner strength to conceal it as I had done since kindergarten..15 years of pretending had finally taken its toll and I wound up having a nervous breakdown 2 months prior to completing my 2nd year..My dream of becoming a psychiatrist came to an abrupt end when I finally admitted to myself that pretending I was okay was a major lie to myself and to everyone else, especially if I had somehow completed my schooling..the breakdown changed me completely, but I did gain some wisdom..everything seemed much clearer after it happened..Barely completing the second year was the end of my scholastic learning period..

It seemed only natural when I began concentrating on artistic ideas..it was as if I had destroyed a dam which had been storing ideas for the two years my mind was occupied with school..A wild white water rapid of ideas flowed non-stop for decades..it has begun to slow down abit over the past few years but nowhere near the point to where I sit and stare at a blank canvas ,sheet of paper or musical instrument...
As an artist, I paint in oils primarily, along with some acrylic and watercolors..Drawings are intricate, surrealistic content, based on the dream-state mixed with textures and shapes from Mother Earth..trees, branches, leaves, rocks and whatever looks interesting to me...

Music has been a major part of my life, playing guitar beginning in High School, continuing til the present..
In 2006 my first CD, The Lower Third, a self-titled album, was released..Difficult to classify, the album has been dubbed Dark Electro, Alternative, Dark Ethereal to Gothic Instrumental by various reviewers..
The second Lower Third album is in the works containing more intricate instrumentals..a couple of songs with lyrics have been completed but it's unknown yet if they will appear on this CD...

Health-wise , I've a few major problems..my spine is severely injured including a crushed vertebrae down to 30% of its size which has pinched the nerves running up my spine..neck injuries and a form of scoliosis, having lost 4 inches in height since the injury in 1998..The pain is at times unbearable...
Thin and brittle bones, a severe case of osteoporosis as well as Hep-C and a host of other internal problems are affecting the body as well..
I've lived alone since 20 years of age which has aided in my artistic endeavors, however it has slowed to a stop any opportunity for social interactions...

Although the price is high, I wouldn't have it any other way, for art and music has become my voice which I have learned to speak fluent with..
As I grow older, however, I am beginning to feel as though something is missing..whenever I see a couple holding hands, or being more intimate on television, an emptiness, unknown to me in the years past, begins to flow during the darker days which seem to be occurring more and more frequently...
Can it be corrected ? Is it possible to change ?If I ever did find someone compatable, could I handle the modifications required ? After all I've never been on an actual "date"..what do people talk about? What is expected of me? I haven't a clue..

I've made a point to explain everything important about myself..both negative and positive..this way I am holding nothing back..my health issues are something which with most people would not include for all to see, to know..but I would like for everyone to know up front that I have frailties other than S.A.D. and agoraphobia..with that, people are aware, I feel better for not feeling as though I have to keep this hidden which would cause me to feel as though I've a secret to hide..everything is up front and in the open which presents an air of freedom...

This is one reason why I've joined this site..My aim is to perhaps find someone with similar interests and who'll appreciate and accept me just the way I am, to see if it is possible..I realize this is a looong shot since there are only 3900 members which belong to this site but there's still hope..my will and patience are strong..I've been alone my entire life and am not getting any younger..sure in my mind I feel like a 25 year old most days,other than my health but this is what creating does for me..it keeps me young at heart and mind..I've learned to accept that every hour I need to lie down for 15 minutes, then it's back to work..You can either accept your situation and continue doing what you want to do with your life, with a few changes of course, or to give up, feel sorry for yourself and complain all day..as the old saying goes, "you're as young as you feel"..I've chosen to will myself into not dwell on my pains but to replace those thoughts with ideas and do my very best at whatever it is that I happen to be doing at the time..By striving for perfection with whatever the project, I know that it is an impossibility, however the projects are as close to it as I'm capable of doing and by using this as a guide with everything done, nothing substandard will ever be seen or heard by anyone other than myself..if you're to do anything, aim high and do your best or don't bother doing it at all, for what's the point of doing a half-assed job at anything..take pride in whatever it is and I promise you'll begin to have a different outlook in time..soon it'll be much more satisfying, for you're doing this for yourself..not the boss or peers, although they too will notice a change for the better in both your work and attitude..always do your best, take pride and a change for the better in your life will occur..it's as true as a mathematical proof..
Well, I'm straying from the topic but I believe I've included everything I wanted to say..if anyone is at all interested in conversation, please feel free to write me..the one thing that this site is missing is an Instant Messaging system which would polish this site to near perfection..

My e-mail address is "steppenwolf3336@hotmail.com"
and my Windows Live Messaging name is of course "Steppenwolf"
if anyone would care to have a conversation..
I appreciate you taking the time to read this and hope to hear from anyone who would care to get to know me better or is at all curious about anything...
Bye for now...